The Bruise Part 2

Look at this thing! I'm afraid to go anywhere near it with another needle. It's taking up way too much space. In fact, my whole belly button is surrounded by a bruise!

Holy Crap! Stim Day 8

I forgot I needed to order more meds. I don't have enough for Sat/Sun. I'm going to have to call first thing tomorrow and see if I can get some Saturday morning. Hopefully it won't matter that much to be 2 hours late on my stims. Can't believe I did that.

Extremely bloated! Feels like I might pop an ovary if I bend over too far. Not really looking forward to closing tomorrow. That's gonna suck! :(

That's going to be one big bruise

This is from this morning! It's gonna get nasty. You can kind of see the other smaller bruises and those dots are from the shots as well. Like my lap scar in my belly button? That's a 2fer. Two scars from two different laps. Don't mind my bloated stomach.

Stim Day 6 - First Follie Scan

Uterine Lining -
Right Ovary -
Left Ovary - 2 giants Cysts.
E2 - 772
Yes, the cysts are still there. Freaked out. Convinced myself they were producing estrogen and they were going to cancel this cycle. I put in a call to the nurse asking her to call me back soon so I wouldn't stress all day. She called me back at 3:30. Thanks. Dr. said I'm okay. The cysts aren't producing estrogen and I have plenty follies on the right side. I guess he knows what he is doing. Right.

The blood draw was a horrible experience. The first nurse couldn't find a vein so she called in another lady. The new one decided my veins were deep and decided she must poke the needle in as far as she possibly could. I kept telling her it hurt pretty bad (still no blood btw) and she finally said, "Oh, it must not be as deep as I thought." Wow, thanks. She pulled the needle up a bit and then found the vein. I have no idea she stabbed in my arm but I have some purple mark and a yellow bruise in the crease of my arm.

We'll see what Friday has to offer.

Bloated - Stim Day 5

A quick update. Getting really bloated. It's almost like I can feel my ovaries getting bigger. Also feeling really tired.
Since I have my Dr. appt tomorrow a.m., I have to work late. It's going to seem like the longest day ever. Friday will be even worse. Should have taken Friday off. :(
I feel like I'm running out of room for the shots. I have little dot scabs all around my belly button. I tried to take a picture of it but it didn't turn out so well. Only about 10 more to go. Can't believe I've already done 20!

Numb Mouth

Holy cow! Got my filling replaced for the fractured tooth today. My mouth is so numb! I tried to drink some water after I left the dentist and choked on it. :) Not looking forward to the soreness when the Novocain wears off. Booo. :(

I'm starting to feel the ovaries. It's only when I press up against something or have something lean on them (like a child sitting on my lap). Curious to see what's going on in there. I'm still trying to get a picture of my stim set up in the mornings. The problem is that I have to do them so early that I forget to take the camera with me. Maybe I'll put it in there tonight when I do my Lupron. Getting close!

Horrible Headache

Not much to report. My head is killing me. Turning on the AC and taking some migraine meds.

Stim Day 2

Nothing like waking up on a Saturday morning at 6am to give yourself an injection of burning fire! :)

Oh the burn. THE BURN! I don't even know how to explain it. It's like when you get hand sanitizer in a cut, but your injecting it into your stomach.
It was worse today. The baby aspirin is making me bleed after the injection. I now have to press a cotton ball on the injection site to get it to stop bleeding. This morning, when I pushed on it, I could feel the stims spreading around. OUCH!

I love mixing everything together. It's so much fun. I do get freaked out because there is less sodium chloride after I mix it than when I started. Oh well. Also, I'm pretty sure I used the whole bottle of the sodium chloride last time. I don't know why I can't remember that. Oh well, I'm doing what my instructions say.

I have dots and tiny bruises around my belly button.

Cleaned like a mad woman today. I want to get things done so I'm not sitting in a stank house wanting to clean it when I know I can't. Won't even be able to vacuum. Can't go up and down the steps. No heavy lifting.

Oh! Finally got to move on to the next part of the ivf mediation series. This one goes along with the stim stage. The first two times I listened to it, I fell asleep. Oops. I listened to it this morning after I did my injections and stayed awake for it. Interesting.

Officially CD 1, Stim day 1

Today is the official CD1. It's also stim day. Yay!

The stims still burn like hell. Even worse this time around since I'm using more Menopur. Ugh.

The Stims

Here are the stims! I wasn't about to take all those vials out to make a pretty display. The four boxes on top are Menopur and the three on the bottom are Bravelle. The two boxes to the right are the HCG triggers. Those big needles on the bottom are what I use for the stims. I do get to put a smaller needle on them, which is what's in the right hand corner. I didn't put the q-caps in because well, there are 2 million of them. Seriously, why all the q-caps??

What are stims?

Stims stimulate the ovaries into developing and growing eggs.



I'll be using Bravelle and Menopur in the a.m.
Since we are increasing my FSH this time, I'll be using 3 Menopur and 2 Bravelle to start get things going.



I will stim for 6 days, then go for an ultrasound and have bloodwork done. The nurse will look at my ovaries to see how they are responding to the stims. We'll write down how many 'follies' I have in each ovary and their size. I'll go every other day to have these follies monitored to make sure they are growing.

Back on Schedule

The Dr. called this afternoon with good news! The cyst is non-functional so I can begin my stims as planned. Yay! So excited. :)

In other good news....
Our insurance covered the meds 100%!!!! When the lady told me the total was 12, I thought she meant $1200. I asked her to repeat it two times. I said, "Are you sure? You're sure? Seriously?" She said, "Yeah. You're insurance was great. There is no co-pay on anything. The only thing they wouldn't pay for were the needles."
I.CAN.NOT.BELIEVE.THIS.

Here we go! No more bcp!

Why is a cyst a big deal?

A cyst is usually left over from when the ovary released an egg. It's usually filled with fluid. Sometimes, the cysts become active and produce estrogen. Sometimes they don't do anything at all.

The Lupron causes a surge in estrogen when you first start to take it. After a few days, it starts to decrease estrogen production. If you have a cyst that's producing estrogen, it keeps the Lupron from doing it's job.

If the cyst is not producing estrogen, you can continue on with the cycle. They usually go away or get squished by the other follies (follicles).

To start stims, you're estrogen or estradiol should be less than 50.

Hope you liked my less than technical explanation. It's hard to explain to people who don't know what all of this stuff is. IF has taught me a lot.

I have a cyst :(

I have a big cyst on my left ovary. I have small one on my right. I'm quite bummed and worried about it.
I'm okay with delaying the cycle for it to go away. Just worried it won't go away.
The nurse said that I'll most likely be on bcp for another 10 days. Maybe even double up on them. She said we'd get rid of it.

Then she called back and said that they'll call me tomorrow after the Dr. looks at the pictures. He may have me continue bcp or have a different plan. I'm wondering what this different plan will be.

Bad day today.

This isn't something bad. It's not something good.

I hate being in limbo.

I had a cyst when we started our first IVF. It was inactive so they let me start my stims. I was on bcp a week longer last time so maybe I just need a few more days.

Took my first imitrex today. It's the miracle drug. All day I had a headache but didn't want to take anything while driving. I was sitting there mad that it hadn't started working when all of a sudden my headache went away. It makes me really tired.

Well, that's all I've got right now.

So Tired!

I'm sure it's partly because I didn't sleep well last night. I was afraid of grinding my teeth and breaking off even more. Going to the dentist tomorrow after I get back from Indy.

I have a mark from tonights injection. I think this is the first to leave something behind. I know I'll be bleeding more from the baby aspirin......

Baby aspirin - Basically helps blood flow to the uterus. Sometimes the blood clumps up, causing m/c. May also provide good blood flow to the ovaries.

I'm way to tired to do this. :)

Nighty Night!

Are you kidding me?

A piece of my tooth came off!
What is going on?
After lunch, it felt like I had something stuck between the last two molars. I whipped out the dental floss and yanked out a chunk of my tooth! Of course I completely freaked out. I was convinced there was no way I'd be able to get it fixed and finish this ivf cycle. The thought of a root canal terrifies me.
After awhile, I calmed down. I looked again and realised it's more like a 'chip'. It's from a tooth that has an old filling. I'm assuming that I must have cracked it while grinding/clenching my teeth. I've been a grinding/clenching maniac lately. I ordered a mouth guard from Walgreens, we'll see if it helps. I figure I better have a plan before my dentist insists I get fitted for that crazy looking million dollar mouth guard.
Hopefully they can just re-fill the filling. Hopefully.
Time for the Lupron shot.

Lupron Day 5

Nothing to report. Still no headaches. Prob tomorrow or Monday. I am getting hot flashes in the middle of the night. I get so hot I have to take the blankets off! Then of course I'm freezing when I wake up in the morning! I'm sure I'll start getting them during the day now too.

E got his tests done. It's a relief to have that part done.

Getting anxious about my baseline appt. on Tuesday. Yay! :)

Lupron Day 3

Ugh. I stabbed my finger with my lupron needle. I was putting the cap back on after I was finished and felt something poke my finger. I looked at the needle and saw that when I put the cap on, the needle bent and poked through the lid, which then went into my finger. It started bleeding and now it looks bruised. It kind of hurts and it's swollen. My finger hurts worse than my stomach!

Everything is going well. I feel better than I've felt in a LONG time. Other than the stabbing incident, the shots haven't hurt one bit. Not even when they go in. I'm still using ice as I did last time, it just doesn't hurt. At all. Not even a sting.

Had my infectious diseases blood work today. Five vials of blood. I was thankful the nurse found my vein quickly. I told her how that last lady couldn't find it and was moving the needle around in my hand. We agreed that it's better to be poked again than to have the needle moving around. I also had to give a urine sample this time. Don't know what's up with that, but, whatever.

E goes tomorrow for his blood work and sample. He had to take the whole day off. Big Baby. :)

My finger is throbbing.

I'm still spotting. It was the heaviest on Tuesday. Lighter yesterday and today. Last BCP on Monday! Date with the vagcam on Tuesday! Lupron headaches should be starting any day now. Booo!

1st Lupron Shot Done

It wasn't as bad as I remembered. Done like an old pro. I was a little nervous waiting around to do it, but once I got everything ready, it was a piece of cake. :)

This is my Lupron setup. I clean the counter with a clorox bleach wipe, wash my hands and put everything on a paper towel. That's an icecube on a folded paper towel to the left and at the bottom center are two alcohol wipes. I use one to wipe the top of the Lupron bottle and the other to clean the injection site.

Lupron

Here is a picture of the Lupron (in the little bottle on top of the box) and the needles I use with it. Not sure why I have all of those needles out. I obviously didn't count them before I took the picture. I'll post a picture of the stims when I get them.

BCP CD 15

Heavier spotting and some other 'weirdness' going on. Definitely a different bcp than last time. :)

Freaking Out, Happy Easter

Having a really bad moment here.

This isn't fair.

I shouldn't have to do this.

I don't want to have to do this.

I was fine. Been holding it all together. Haven't let myself freak out. Been surprisingly optimistic about things.

I don't think I can try this a third time. It's too hard.

I'm so sick of this consuming my life. How to do you get past something that is there every second of everyday? Something that you are reminded about ALL the time? Every holiday, every time I leave the house, the grocery store, restaurants, tv, movies. Everything reminds that I can't get pregnant like everyone else and that I may never have a child. It's such a hard thing to carry around day after day. I know to some people this may seem like it's no big deal. It is a big deal. You have no idea how painful this is until your in it. I don't know how or what to feel. It's very lonely.

This Sums It Up

I watch this from time to time. Just wanted to share.

http://www.tearsandhope.com/emptyarms_video.html

What does Lupron do?

If anyone is wondering.
I'm doing long lupron, 10 units in the p.m. I'll continue this throughout my cycle.
Basically, it flares up the estrogen, then supresses it, making it feel like menopause. When the estrogen drops, you'll start to get headaches and hot flahes. Fun stuff!


Lupron acts upon the pituitary gland in the brain to alter the secretion of FSH and LH (the two hormones responsible for egg development and ovulation). Initially, Lupron will cause increased secretion of the two hormones, with a subsequent rise in estrogen secretion. Continual administration of Lupron, however, will lead to a suppression of the pituitary hormones, with subsequent drop in estrogen production. When we perform the baseline ultrasound exam on day 3 of the cycle we assess the degree of suppression by measuring the LH and estradiol levels. Occasionally we cancel a cycle if the estradiol level remains elevated for an extended period. In ART stimulations, Lupron will allow the ovaries to produce more eggs. without the fear of premature ovulation. Microdose Lupron is a low dose preparation that has the ability to stimulate rather than suppress the ovaries. This is used for "poor responders."



Got my info from here: http://www.ivf-indiana.com/education/ivf-patient-info.html

and here: http://www.ivfconnections.com/questions.htm

These are two of my favorite sites for IVF info.

BCP CD 14

Not much to report. I've had a little spotting since yesterday. I think this was when it started last time. I don't know. Maybe not. I feel like I was spotting when I was doing the Lupron injections.

I've been falling asleep the past few nights during my meditations. Oops. Guess I'll have to do them earlier. I've been sleeping and falling asleep so well lately. It's nice.

Getting nervous.

I swear every woman at the grocery store yesterday was 9 months pregnant. Instead of feeling sad and wondering if that would ever be me, I told myself that I will have that. I will experience that.

This is so scary. :(

Got My Protocol!!

I got off early again today and gave them a call. Got a call back at 4:00 while I was mid-nap. I still can't believe this is happening!

I start Lupron next Wed. April 14.
Last bcp April 20.
Baseline appt. April 21
Begin FSH April 24
Est. Trigger May 3

Oh yeah, my bloodwork came back normal from the other day. :)

Otherwise, not feeling as crazy as I was. Still not spotting on this bcp. I can't remember when it started last time....
Allergies are bad today. So tired and this stupid allergy headache is annoying. Just want to sleep.

Oh Hi There Lymph Node

Can't a girl enjoy a nice afternoon off?

I left work early because we were so low. Got home, grabbed a bowl of cereal and all of a sudden my neck felt weird. I felt it with my hand and there was a big not under/behind my ear. The whole side of my face near my jaw was swollen and it felt kind of numbish. I had no idea what was going on. Called the Dr., told them how I was there last Wed. and what was going on. They call back and of course my Dr. is gone for the day and the one I saw last week had nothing available. They wanted me to go to come ICC or something downtown. Yeah right, here I think my throat is going to close up and I'm going to die because no one will be here to help me. Went to MedPoint instead. Can't tell you how enjoyable those two hours of my life were.

Turns out it's "Most likely Reactive Lymphadenopathy." That's what is says on my sheet. So, I'm most likely not dying. Thanks for your reassurance lady. That's also on my sheet. My home instructions are, "Reassurance. Follow up with PCP, await blood results." Yes, blood results. Since it's only most likely that reactive lymphwhatever, I had to have my blood drawn to have my white blood cells counted....or something. I'll know if it's most likely not reactive lymph. in 48 hours.

During this 48 hours, not only will I be praying that I don't have cancer, I'll also pray that I never see this 'lab woman' again. She couldn't find a vein. Which is normal for me. My mom has the same problem. I'm used to them poking around, getting stuck more than once. But this lady, THIS lady, was determined to NOT find a vein. I had to tell her sometimes they have to use those butterfly. Of course, she gets one and sticks it IN MY HAND! Then starts digging around in there for a vein. I wanted to punch her. Finally, I showed her where they usually have luck and we went from there. She said I was her hardest one yet. Sure, of all the people in her lifetime that she has stabbed with a needle, I'm the hardest one? Please. Please lady.

Anyway, the swelling has gone down but it is still uncomfortable and there is still a knot under my ear. Most likely my body trying to fight my illness from last week. At least I hope.

Other than that, still no word from my RE. I hope he calls tomorrow. :)

Allergies Suck.

Allergies ruin a nice day. Screw this!
Runny nose. Coughing. Constantly clearing the throat. Itchy, crusty eyes. Can't breath right.
The pollen count is only 7.1. Almost Med-High. Cedar, Juniper, Elm and Maple. Which one of you makes me feel like crap?

BCP CD7

Ugh. Okay. The BCP crazies are beginning. So emotional. Everything makes me tear up. Very sensitive. Not in a bad way. Just feeling kind of crazy.

I've been sick the past few days. Great. Tuesday morning I woke up dizzy, nauseous and had a horrible headache. Went to work on nothing but crackers and water. By the end of lunch, I felt much better. Went home, made dinner. All was good until around 3:30 a.m. when I woke up with a weird stomach ache. I ended up down on the couch, an hour later I was vomiting. Gross. I was so dizzy I couldn't lay down. I had to sleep sitting up on the couch. Figured I'd go to work and feel better. Nope. Ended up leaving at lunch time. Went to the Dr. and found out that my head is so congested, it's making me sick. I'm having drainage problems. Fun gross stuff. He also told me that the sinus pressure is triggering migraines. Now, this is something that I've thought for awhile so I was relieved when he told me that part. I ended up with about $300 worth of px. I did get some nice migraine med. If this stuff works and makes those horrible headaches go way, it'll be a miracle. He said I'd feel better in 3 days. I was skeptical last night, but this afternoon I'm feeling less pressure in my head. It will be nice when I can hear out of my right ear again.

Other than that, all is well. I'm kind of worried that the antibiotic is going to mess with my bcp. I guess if I'm starting to go crazy from them, they are working. Hopefully I'll get my protocol next week!